These 8 songs are too scary for your Halloween party
So, you’re getting your Halloween party together.
You’ve draped black curtains over your windows, and sprayed synthetic cobwebs all through the corridors – something you’ll definitely regret later when you’re cleaning up.
You’ve assembled some sort of fancy dress costume, and have started to douse yourself with an unreasonable amount of fake blood, which seems like a good idea right now.
You’ve sourced pumpkins and unsuccessfully tried to carve them into appropriately Halloween-ish shapes. And you’ve desperately Googled “Halloween food” in order to figure out what food to serve your friends, because, let’s face it, Halloween is really an American thing and really us Australians have absolutely no idea what we’re doing.
But what goes on the stereo at your amazing Halloween party?
Sure, you can take the easy path and fill your playlist with ‘Monster Mash’, the theme from Ghostbusters and Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’. But why not give your guests a Halloween party to remember, by scaring the crap out of them with some truly horrible, horrible, unsettling and disquieting music?
Well guess what! I’ve got you covered.
Hear more of the scariest music ever made on Something More, Tuesday 31 October on Double J
Junko – Sleeping Beauty
Get your party warmed up with 15 minutes of non-stop, truly hideous screaming from Japanese noise artist Junko, a member of the legendary noise group Hijokaiden.
This 2002 album is the quickest possible way to make your guests feel utterly terrified. Once Side A is finished, you can flip the record and play Side B, which is basically Side A played in reverse, and we all know everything is twice as frightening when it’s in reverse.
Jocelyn Pook – ‘Masked Ball’
Now that your guests have curled into the foetal position within minutes of arriving, lure them back out into the party with this jovial piece of choral drama, best known from the Eyes Wide Shut soundtrack.
While your guests are chilled to the bone by the low drone of a creepy Romanian chant – I think he is actually reciting a pork goulash recipe but, nonetheless, its very dark – they can ponder exactly what kind of party you’ve invited them to as they remember exactly which scene of Eyes Wide Shut this song soundtracked.
Yes, it's the one with all the sex.
White Noise – The Black Mass: An Electric Storm In Hell
Your party is in full swing now, so why not share with your guests seven minutes of spooky sound design from 1969?
This album from electronic project White Noise proves that even the impossibly sweetly named Delia Derbyshire - tape pioneer and founder of the BBC Radiophonic Workshop - was capable of some very unsettling sounds.
Blanck Mass – 'Dead Format'
If you’ve ever wondered if your laptop has nightmares when it goes to sleep - the answer is yes, and it sounds like this.
Blanck Mass’ 2014 masterpiece sets the wailing and gnashing of digital teeth to a propulsive beat. If anyone is going to start dancing on your increasingly strange and off-putting party, it’s probably now.
Pink Floyd – ‘Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict’
Hey! Do you like small furry animals? Well, not any more. Thanks a lot, Pink Floyd.
Suicide – ‘Frankie Teardrop’
If you have not already done so, now would be the ideal time at your party to turn all the lights off and turn the volume up as loud as you can.
You and your guests are all about to take part in the ‘Frankie Teardrop’ Challenge, invented by cult WFMU host Tom Sharpling of The Best Show.
If you can listen to this nightmarish ten-minute narrative, full of ghoulish shrieks and jump scares, without turning into a puddle on the floor, then you win! Hooray!
Bernard Herrmann – ‘Prelude from Psycho’
The Lemon Kittens – ‘An Untimely End’
Now that your party is in decline – let’s face it, everyone went home when the Japanese screaming started – why not wind things down with this wheezing industrial melodica jam from experimental art-punk group The Lemon Kittens?
They closed their bewilderingly unsettling 1982 album with this surreal gem about ‘small people’, ‘big people’ and ‘should be dead people’.
Who will remove this niggling blight from our otherwise rosy days and nights? I’d do it, if I didn’t have other things to do.